Final Update About Mom

Well... hello again.

This'll be the last update about mom on this blog. Yesterday around 1:25 pm mom breathed her last and took her long-awaited opportunity to go to heaven. I spent the morning from 9am to a little after noon with her. I turned on a worship music mix that one of my sisters had put together for her. I asked her if she liked it and she raised her eyebrows and smiled. About 8am she'd been given some pain medicine to open up her airways. She had her own bed brought in last week. So, I lay there with her hoping she'd have another clear and lucid moment so we could talk. there were moments where she came around and had that "why am i here" kind of look. In those moments I'd rub her arm and tell her I was there and that I loved her. A handful of times she tried to say, "I love you too" but only wound up being able to mouth the words. I couldn't tell if it was the effects of the pain meds or if she was really that close to the end.

She had one moment where she spoke completely clearly. I cant recall what question I asked her, but in her normal, completely clear alert and personable voice she said, "Yeah." Beyond that, it was mostly smiles and raised eyebrows and at one point she took my hand---just like her to tease me that way ;o) I miss her already.

Around noon-ish, I let her know I was leaving to pick up my uncle (her brother) so he could spend a little time with her. When I left I expected she'd be around a few more days at least. I was contemplating posting to this blog that the time was really close, and people who wanted to say goodbye should come. Little did I know....

I got back with my uncle around 1:15pm we went in and I was shocked by how much her condition had deteriorated in just that short period. I talked with the speech therapist (who was too long winded, or maybe I was just feeling more of the urgency than he was) then called the nurse. When the nurse got in the room, she was going to give mom an IV. Just about then my wife showed up with our baby daughter. When she walked in the nurse left off her plan for the IV and began assessing mom. They told me I needed to start calling people. I stepped in the hall to make a call, and my wife rushed out to tell me I needed to be back in there and she would make the calls.

I got back to mom's bed and lay down beside her just in time. I took her hand and was stroking her hair when her heart heart officially stopped beating.  I was able to tell her I loved her and then sing worship songs over her for the period of time that the brain still functions after the heart stops. While I was singing I had this moment---brief but potent---where I felt like mom wasn't in her body anymore and I felt her sincere approval of my singing over her and then she was gone. May sound crazy, but it happened.

In very short order nearly all the local family was there. There was much crying and hugging and laughing and crying again. We decided to get together and have dinner and hang out together. We decided on Mexican food. Mom paid. One of her grandkids said, "So... Grandma's buying us dinner from the afterlife?" and I said, "Yep." I thought that specific phrasing would have cracked mom up.

We ordered food and everyone left. I stuck around and waited for the mortuary to arrive. In a comical twist (I think the proper term would be morbidly-comical) I had to (well... offered to) help get mom wrapped up and on the mortuary's gurney. The guy was struggling. So I offered. I said, "I've helped her in all kinds of crazy situations... why not this one too." He wheeled her away and I stayed in the room a while letting it all sink in.

We (all the local family) eventually met up at my sister's house on the property where mom lived and spent the evening together. We talked, cried, ate, joked, and sang.... boy did we ever sing. Mom would have approved. One of my sister suggested we cap off the singing with Amazing Grace. One of my nephews played guitar and the rest of us sang.... That had to be the longest most enjoyable---and probably only---rendition of Amazing Grace/Hava Nagila ever. For those who don't know, Hava Nagila is a Jewish wedding song. Hava Nagila literally means "Let us rejoice!"

How utterly fitting.

Fourth Update About Mom

Hello all...

Short update this morning (was too tired to write it last night). The doctor came and saw mom. After assessing her, there is one more medication they want to try her on. Per the doctor, if this medicine doesn't work, mom is looking at days to weeks (at best). If it does work... then only weeks to months.

Mom's in amazingly good spirits overall... but communication has become more difficult. She fades in and out pretty regularly. I'm headed there shortly to see what today brings. Love you all.

A family member emailed me another apropos scripture. So, I'll end with that:

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes;
and there shall be no more death,
neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain:
for the former things are passed away.

Third Update About Mom

Hey All...

Around 2pm today (04-30-2012), I received a call from the nurse at Mom's nursing facility stating that mom wanted her children there ASAP. That was unnerving. I left work early and headed to Coast Fork. One of my sisters arrived first and and let others of us know mom was awake and alert but really weak. The nurse confirmed that mom's vitals all looked good and there wasn't anything imminent imminent. She did say that yesterdays ER trip was a real scare though and that mom was definitely unresponsive in the truest sense of the word. We spent the better part of the day with Mom, playing guitar singing songs... one in particular about (among other things) bacon. She enjoyed it but was drifting in and out of sleep. She had a period of wakefulness where she was able to communicate fairly well.
One of the things a few of us couldn't help but notice was that she was fairly clammy---which can be one of the signs that time is running short. One of the nurses mentioned 6 days as her estimate but she also said - you just never know though. 

A few of us siblings now feel it may be shorter. As this was being written I got a text from one of the sisters still with mom. Mom just had a cardiac episode---likely a heart attack with all the typical symptoms of a heart attack. As of this writing, Mom is stable and they will be checking her every 15 minutes.

Mom has expressed that... although she doesn't want to go yet, She's ready to.

Love you all

Geno

Second Update About Mom

Hi All...

Here we are.  Had a bit of a scare with mom today (04-29-2012). While at church I got a call from the nursing facility saying Mom was unresponsive and being rushed to the hospital and I should "really get there". That put me into a lit bit of a panic. So, several of us kids (grown adults, but you know... her kids) converged on the hospital ahead of the ambulance. We were told mom wasn't there yet, and that was likely because the EMTs have to stabilize her before they can start driving... and she was not stable. They got her relatively stable and made it to the hospital.

When she arrived she was responsive. The EMTs and the doctor that assessed her felt that the nursing facility may have overreacted a little, but said "better they be a little overreactive than the other option." Since she was there they tried to get some of the fluid off of her, but there was little they could do. They talked about manual drainage, but determined the risk of infection outweighed the short term benefit (only 2 - 3 days relief at best). Ultimately the "unresponsiveness" was determined to have been "very brief" and likely was really just the pain med she had been given in the morning. [side bar: Demerol has a tendency to drug her enough that if you ask her a question she'll look at you and think she's answering, but her mouth isn't moving. In less stressful times that has been a source of amusement to both mom and I. Yes. I tease her when she's in the hospital. It makes her laugh and that helps.]

Mom is back in the nursing facility and resting this evening. On a non-medical note, this morning I felt compelled to grab a guitar pick (I haven't carried a pick or played guitar in months) and low and behold once we got mom back to the nursing facility some friends showed up with a guitar in hand. I played and we sang for her. It was good.

Back to medical subjects... The doctor who took care of mom today was the same doctor who saw her right at the start of her shingles episode. When the doctor realized mom was the same person, she told us she hadn't recognized mom because her health decline had been so rapid. She said, "I thought this was a chronic situation. I had no idea she was the same person. I didn't realize her decline had been so steep." The doctor went on to share with us about how she had to hospice both of her own parents at different times which leaves her always concerned with making sure a patients comfort is cared for. The doctor ordered another hospice evaluation, because she seemed to think mom is ready for hospice. (For any who don't know, Hospice is end of life care for individuals who have less than six months to live.)

So, the feeling on this end is that mom may be closer to the end than any of us would want.

I hope... we hope... mom hopes that isn't the case, but (and I don't like to say it this way, but) it's probably time to start saying some goodbyes. Without a miracle... it may not be that long. I'm not trying to create a false sense of urgency, but I'm also not going to downplay the situation. I cant help but think about dad. The doctor gave him four months... four days later he was gone. You'll have to decide what that means for you and mom.

One family member sent me an email with 1st Thessalonians 4:13-18 in it. I think mom would find it comforting. So, I'll end with that... and for this, the poetic nature of the king james version seems well suited:

But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him. For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words.

First Update About Mom

Okay Family and Friends... this is the way I'm going to produce updates on Mom's health situation.

As some/most of you know, Mom is in Coast Fork Nursing Center. She is there technically for physical therapy with the hope that she will get strong enough to go home. The doctor has expressed that mom, "could live another five years." but doesn't expect she'll live another year and that it could very likely be less than six months. However, hospice people assessed her and said they didn't feel she was quite ready for hospice. Before I continue, here's a brief recap:

Mom recently had shingles... which as a lot of us discovered... Really Sucks! The shingles are gone and she is no longer contagious, but the effect of having had shingles is that she has been left with excruciating nerve pain. The shingles and the subsequent nerve pain left her primarily bed-bound. This went on long enough she was loosing strength and had actually begun to consider physical therapy in order to try and regain strength. Before we could pursue that, she began to retain water at an alarming rate. She was taken to the hospital and spent about a week there with the staff trying to find ways to stop the water retention. While there, it was discovered that her congestive heart failure had worsened and that led to the water retention. while in the hospital she lost several pounds of water weight and then gained it back plus some---nearly 50 lbs in a week. After the doctor exhausted all but the most extreme/invasive options (which would be unsafe for her anyway), it was determined she would be moved to Coast Fork for physical therapy..

So, She's been in Coast Fork almost a week (as of this posting 4-27-2012) and has gained more weight---about five lbs in the last couple days. I still need to get a specific weight increase number. One of the things mom wanted me to put out there specifically was how much water weight she's gained and how quickly. She said she wanted people "to know that water is gaining on [her]"

Some of you know she moved her bed from home into Coast Fork. I think for a lot of us that was a little jarring because it seemed like she had shifted from being there for therapy to being there to die. I talked with her specifically on this point, and she hadn't thought of it that way at all. She just was unable to rest on the uncomfortable beds they have there. Her hope is that she will be more able to do the physical therapy because she will actually be able to rest in her own bed.

I asked her specifically "where she is with all this" (meaning what is she thinking about her prognosis and current circumstance) and she said, "This may sound like a stupid answer, but I think either I'm going to die... or I'm going to get better." What she basically meant was this is either "it" (the issue that ends her), or she'll get better and defy the doctors prognosis (again). She knows the reality of her situation and that she could die, and even might die. She doesn't feel an impending sense of death, but there are moments that she feels she may not have a lot longer to go.

That's the update for now. I know it's about as clear as mud, but that's how it is for mom currently.

A tidbit to add about her physical situation. They are not able to give her enough diarhetic to take the water weight off without it negatively affecting her kidneys which are already in an early stage of failure.

I pray mom will stick around a good long time, and that she'll get healthy. But as she would say... She wants to stick around if there still a purpose for it, but she's ready for the Lord  to bring her home too.